The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Gloria Leonard
I originally imagined this book as a bit of a “strip tease,” gradually revealing how curling up in the backyard hammock led to a good book, and then challenges with a cold beverage (where’s the cup holder?) and a sense that one needed a place to put one’s book (and spectacles) when slipping into a nap zone.
Anything laid down in a hammock eventually migrates underneath the occupant. This is OK for a cushion, but not so good for those spectacles, or a book. Weights are very lumpy. And as a music lover, film enthusiast, and news addict, I wanted WAY more entertainment. It was time to create the Home Hammock Theater!
I was discussing my love of old films, and a friend replied “I would rather watch the actual stars in the hammock than film stars.” I get that, but after a while I fall asleep unless there is some entertainment. I like my films! And the option of either/or.
Eventually, a cord stretched from end to end over the hammock, providing a place to hook a water bottle, book, spectacles, etc. Knot loops gave one a place to clip in and kept other items from sliding down to the center. It began to get interesting when I added an electrical supply and a small DVD player.
I wove together a personal array of stuff, suspended it over the hammock. Glasses cleaner, pocket knife, hand lotion and dental floss. Lighting. Power. Remotes…
In Australia and Papua/New Guinea, Bowerbirds have been known to attract mates by building elaborate displays. They place stones, berries, flowers, shells, leaves, feathers and anything else they believe might demonstrate their acquisitive prowess in hopes of luring females. Blue items score big, but a bit of cash can’t hurt.
I collected all sorts of things. My wife has only jumped in a few times – but then she was the last person to purchase a hammock in this household! I was astounded, but maybe it’s working?
The basic idea was that if one had to get out of the hammock for any reason other than the true essentials, I had to figure out a way to clip that something in. The cosmos of things overhead grew and grew. The main thing was not WHAT was overhead, so much that it was above the hammock, and not likely to try to migrate underneath me.
With the addition of a monitor and stereo system, I realized I needed to protect all of this from the elements, so a tarp was added. There is a limit to how much I wanted to bring in and out every evening, but the hammock itself is always one of them.
It was a bit like reclining in a space capsule – prepare for liftoff. “Ground Control to Major Tom.” Just add one Dragon Capsule.
Pegboard hooks could be used to good effect, bending them in a vice to the correct angles. I started scouring hardware stores for the stray ends of wire useful in making even more hooks. Rope, wire, hooks, and a shamefully absurd, or absurdly shameful supply of caribiners and clips and gadgets eventually made up an overhead constellation supporting “things one might want in a hammock.”
I used to wander (read lurk) in stores, hunting for hooks, sock clips, links, and other flotsam left after a busy shopping day. The less organized the store, the better the pickings were. The gold standard has always been the Teva sandal slinger, an antleresque array of hooks. I have seen recently that they are using more cardboard – which is good for the environment but not so good for hammock inhabitants.
Purchasing my last pair of sandals, the lady in the store slid the hook to one side as she packaged my purchase. I had to explain to her that a significant reason for buying the sandals was to get my hands on another slinger. She laughed and said yes, she always used them to track her sandals when she went visiting. Then she kindly slipped me another couple of slingers.
Here is a look at what I call my hammock shelf, or “yippie” line, with adjustable “slip” knots on each end and lots of knots and loops in between to hook in glasses, a water bottle, and book. One can also attach a cell phone, DVD player, television, speakers – the list is endless.
For the “on-the-road” version of the hammock, I frequently just hook a cord up to one end and let it drape down the side of the bed a ways. One can still clip in a beverage, phone, and other nonsense without the overhead cord.
Eventually, I developed an indoor hammock, an outdoor hammock, and a travel hammock. The travel version fits in one stuff sack and has the basics – tree straps, the rope shelf or yippie line, and hammock. The indoor hammock sits right by the bed, and is essentially a storage mechanism for my life. Wallet – it’s hooked in over there, glasses, remote controls, chargers, tablets, television, stereo (with switch so I can go from tablet sound to TV and back), hats, bottles for water and wine, lots of electrical outlets to manage all of this…
In my world, it all has to sling out. Holes in the items you are slinging always help. Cord and wire can do a lot, but webbing and ribbon also work well. Hook it up anyhow you have to!
My mother got me a slinging toilet kit one Christmas, and told me it was specifically for all of the many things I might want in the hammock. It works beautifully, lays flat on the side panel, and doubles as a small shade when the sun starts to dip.
Some items like remote controls are connected to reels – key reels for heavier items (KEY-BAK is the best!), and small card reels for almost anything else. Just reach up and pull it down.
The hammock environment grew organically. Recently, I made the decision not to reveal this a bit at a time, but to just go full Monty. So – here is where I wound up.
This is what the bedroom hammock looks like:
I realized that in addition to a place to lounge, it was becoming performance art. That’s when it began to scare me – just a little bit. While it is close to the bed (at right) it also provides a place to clip in glasses and devices, chargers, and anything else I might want during the night. I have water, and a retractable back-scratcher. I am blessed that my wife tolerates this collection draped from the ceiling. And it is functional!
There is a lot of weight involved here, particularly when I climb in. I have a sneaking suspicion that one day I will hop in (I ALWAYS gently lower myself into ANY hammock!) and the whole thing will pop out of the ceiling joists into a big heap. Like the camel who suffered the last straw, I try to treat the arrangement with care, and periodically purge items from the cord which are either unnecessary or really heavy, but nothing lasts forever.
Here is a link to a 360 photo of the indoor hammock. For the full photo, please click on the small circular arrow.
Here is a look at the overhead view of the outdoor hammock, with Altec Lansing speakers, dish network TV, tablet, Blu-Ray player, beer reel (the unspillable beer), fan, headphones, misting system, remote controls, etc. etc. It now even features quadraphonic sound, as I have added a set of small speakers to the back of the hammock. When a dog barks or a bird chirps, I never really know when it is live or part of the sound track.
My first outdoor hammock hooked to the eaves of the house and out to a tree. It was close to the wall, which bothered me at first, until I discovered I could use the wall to push off for a gentle swing. You could actually sit in the hammock and dance around on the wall, though no one would mistake me for Astair. I also tied a small cord to a tree that I could tug and create the same swing. One can actually push off the ground or swing heels over the edge, as if pumping a swing. Rocking and swinging at the same time is quite a sensation.
Link to a 360 photo of the backyard hammock, with occupant and author.
I had an English teacher in Australia (McLeod High School, Rosanna, Victoria); an interesting and widely read gent (from the Old Country, England). Rumour had it he would occasionally arrive for classes somewhat inebriated, but I did not notice, or care. He was a distracted dreamy sort of soul. I enjoyed his classes immensely, and recall his description of a wintry night, achingly cold. He asked the class if anyone had ever experienced such an evening, when one could see their breath. Only I raised my hand. He made you want to feel the chill with his words.
For the record, southern Australia does have the Snowy Mountains, and many Australians can experience a good chill or the thrill of skiing without traveling too far.
One day, in a splendid soliloquy, he described his “dream retirement” to a class that welcomed the break from Dickens. It consisted of a hammock by a babbling brook, with a large stack of books just within reach. Every once in awhile, a beautiful woman would approach and hand him a cold beer. No doubt she also said “There, there” and wiped the perspiration from his brow with a silken kerchief. The vision haunted me…
Please note that the indoor hammock features bookshelves behind – and underneath. I have tried to spare my wife the task of bringing on the next book or beer. Living the dream!
Mi Mayan Hamaca 