Men have become the tools of their tools.
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
Legend has it that early barn-stormers, those daredevils who took to the skies in primitive aircraft, regularly fixed their “crates” with chewing gum and baling wire. I have eschewed chewing gum (meaning I just don’t use it) but I HAVE used almost anything else to sling objects that clearly were not meant to sling. One of the greatest challenges are heavy televisions – and there is no way that I could have created the true Home Hammock Theater until flat-panel television sets were widely available.
Bring on the e-Hammock! Patent pending.
If I had a hammock
I’d sling it in the morning
I’d sling it in the evening
All over this land!
Apologies to Pete Seeger and Lee Hays
My wife and I, as we have aged, have looked at the television screen and when we can no longer read the scores (or any other small text for that matter) look at each other and say “Time for a new television.” Fortunately, this has led to the arrival of a few extra screens which, at the end of the living room look rather small but when mounted over a hammock, take on IMAX-like proportions.
What the world has now is screens, more screens.
Many televisions are designed to mount, and so finding things to tie onto is fairly easy to pick out. Often, they are on one end, so I have found myself weaving plastic ties and all manner of things, even fishing line, through the venting at the top. One of the materials I discovered early on, and which I regard as “mini-webbing,” is thin ribbon.
I generally use the narrower width, one quarter inch, and have used this material for any number of connections. It holds knots really well and while I have not tried to determine its tensile strength, I don’t think I could tear it if I wanted to. I’ve not been practicing on string cheese.
Here, along with a few other essential slinging tools, are some of those ribbon spools, labeled A.
B. Another item I have described before is the ladder knot, shown here on a short piece of rope. Things can clip in easily along the length, and it can be suspended vertically or horizontally.
C. One of those climbing caribiners, used for heavy duty slinging.
D. A velcro wire wrap, used for bundling wires to cords or coiling them up.
E. Wire, somewhat stiff, to be bent into hook shapes.
F. The “cheaper biner” found in most hardware stores, that is not rated for climbing but does indeed work for most hammock situations.
G. Coated wire, bent into a shape that has multiple loops, used for slinging.
H. A peg-board hook, bent at the end, which can be fastened to cords and serves as a very strong hook for heavier items.
Using this gear, as well as a few other items like that marvelous Teva sandal slinger, I’ve managed to weave an overhead web which holds almost everything one could desire – at least in a hammock; a constellation of useful things mounted just within reach.
One unique challenge is an electronic tablet. While I wish manufacturers would add small holes at the corners to facilitate connections, they have not heard my pleas, so I use that ribbon and the commercially available covers to make those rascals sling.
At one point I decided every manufactured item should have at least one small hole in it. Think of the beautiful tiny statues that Japanese call netsuke.
Because they were not only small statues, but belt toggles to hang things around one’s waist, each has a tiny hole at some point within its design.
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Note that you usually want to adjust the angle of devices along one axis, so that the screen can be tilted to avoid nasty reflections and provide a good viewing experience. With that in mind, threading the ribbon through in one direction allows all that tilting to take place. Here is what my hanging tablet looks like:
Given that cell phones typically have the same limitation (NO HOLES) I have threaded that ribbon through the back of the phone case. This serves as a handle anywhere, a bit like the pop-out knob gizmos I’ve seen stuck on the back of several phones, but can be used to sling the phone in the car as well as over a hammock. Combine with a Teva holder to make all kinds of arrangements. I’ve threaded the ribbon through three times to provide some versatility in the length of the strap. Depending on how many loops are pulled out, the strap loop is either longer or smaller. I’ve thought about patenting, but am not sure how one patents a ribbon. I do think it is a useful addition to any cell phone.
I do believe this clearly demonstrates my get rich scheme. It isn’t and doesn’t. I’m not here to sell you anything but the idea that Mayan hammocks are a great comfort.
Ninkasi Tricerahops is a bodacious beer with a fabulous name from Eugene, Oregon.
With a small hook, I can use the same ribbon to sling my phone at a convenient angle in the car, saving on a major mounting system. Just sling it!
Occasionally I go to take a photo and the cord is in the way, but I typically am holding it off to the side, so this occurrence is pretty rare.
I have connected many different gadgets, gizmos, and just plain stuff so that it is available to a denizen of the hammock and other locales. Grommets, clips, and other crazy adaptions make almost anything “sling out.”
Let it sling out baby, let it sling out now, now na-na now,
Let it sling out baby, everybody work out.
Sookie, Sookie, Sookie, Sookie, Sookie, Sookie, Sue!
With deep apologies to Steppenwolf & Sookie, Sookie – written by Covay and Cropper
Mi Mayan Hamaca 